PHOSPHORIMENTAL

ON THE POPES “Encyclical Letter HUMANAE VITAE” (Pope Paul VI, 25 July 1968). Which establishes the “long-held and unwavering” position of the Church against the use of BIRTH CONTROL:

How does one go about obtaining such apparent empirical knowledge in order to write as compelling a letter as this? I have personally tr
aveled into the realm of evil via coitus interruptus and found enlightenment – I could not have written this with more clear instruction.

…and “the use of contraceptives cause men to forget their reverence for women!?” Seriously? So I’ve cheapened women (er, I mean “baby vessels”) by not getting them pregnant. Well, now we know why the Taliban hate christians so much… contraception is clearly the impetus for islamic fundamentalistic values toward women. Why intervene with the stoning of women (which I read about in the old testament), just cut off the Taliban supply of contraceptives – or convert them to christianity…problem solved.

I guess, we will have to put warning labels on condoms, “The Catholic Church warns that the use of this product may promote pornographic fantasies about about women in socio-cultural bondage.” And here I was thinking, it would prevent pregnancy, hackneyed abortions, and abandoned children that are spawned by sinners and single “reverent” mothers…that is if the moms survive the pregnancy (or sexually transmitted virus) to be reminded of the “more respectful” rapist who didn’t wear a condom… (long winded I know).

How many women break from their ascetic ways and claim, “if you respect me, you’ll get me pregnant and marry me in the morning…” I more often get the clear message that her “physical and emotional equilibrium” depends on passionate acts of love and caress…not shaking her hand and kissing her at church during the benediction. Lest she obtain her own “instrument of satisfaction,” batteries included.

If there ever was a case for polygamy… you can only get the same woman pregnant once every 9.5 months (thereabouts – I had to change the gestation period because Arizona governor Jan Brewer, says that pregnancy begins two weeks before conception…still scratching my sinful head over that one)

When asked “why do you have so many children?”, the man answered,

“because I like sex.”

“…then why so many different women?” continued the flustered friar.

“simple – because they don’t.”

ON MORMON FOUNDATIONS OF POLYGAMY:   When your religion is working for you anymore, don’t retrace your historical context, just change your moral code! Which is why I brought up Jan Brewer – here is an example of where legislation wasn’t achieving it’s moral objective for medical rulings on “when a life begins” (which I already knows is after the age of 50) and so they decided to change biology.  (Brewer upholds that it begins two weeks before conception – huh?)