Note to Self: Rose Petal Rejects

A squirrel clings to a tree trunk, teasing and taunting a large tiger striped cat slumbering on the path. I run by, but pirouette for a second glance. Assortments of humans in the lakeside plaza eat alfresco. The tree’s around Lake Anne undressed a couple weeks ago and right on time, but not on queue. See, Autumn weather has been stubborn and it’s December – the leaves should have paid attention to the weather before leaping. Perhaps this is the dawning of the fifth season – and what we might call Fall’s failure to launch.Our heart rates slow and some of us want to disappear into the woodlands for a spell – where we can write or paint or compose a masterpiece without the interruptions of so many pragmatic options. But a long spell turns out to be only a punctuated series of moments – minutes and hours where we create our masterpieces. I would love to just hide out for a month and write.

Rose Petal Rejects

Constrained by modesty, you resist too much fascination with your own observations…that is the impetus for the ionic bond of human nature – it is this gentle downplay of ego, that enables us to discover within another that which fascinates us about ourselves. Self love, projected outward holistically and purely toward others is just love. And in the musical cross-stitches of projected love, two chords will find harmony in the fabric of life.

You let go a myriad qualities in whatever your medium of choice…in numbers inversely proportional to the odds that each will meet and intertwine with those of another. Being ALL of you is far more important than being only those parts that mirror the important parts of another. People will fail to see you as a composite and will focus in on small arcs of light, and not the illumination. But soon, in this new found proximity, the truth of ALL of you is revealed. And the other admits, “I didn’t expect this when I saw your beacon in the dark…I didn’t sign up for ALL of you…” and they draw up their anchors and drift on…

You quietly relinquish to being alone (you’ve failed at doing this at least a hundred times). You realize that being alone is ideal to being an attentive witness to the marvels of nature and mankind and yet it brings this uncontrollable desire to share it with someone. In the desperation of sharing, you’ve missed many a sunsets moments, looking through the lens of a camera rather than your own eyes. You’re learning to record beauty in your mind and be happy with that. Yet as much as you fail to accept being alone, you also fail to find that someone with whom to share in the mutual aloneness of experiencing the magic. Okay, that’s confusing. Frustrating.

Your companions have little tolerance and patience for your proclivity to stop and spend 15 minutes staring silently at a lit up water fountain springing up from a lake at night or slide away into the soliloquy of sunset. But you love to capture it and spin it with belletristic prose and dose it back to them in writing…and some people are happy reading your accounts more than they are to join you in the appreciation.

The ad reads, “person seeking alter ego embodied in another.” Relationship objective: stop the writing and solitary art and just experience… would the discovery of your alter ego make each of you superfluous? Don’t think so. No, you think, strangely enough, that each of you would seek the gentle deviations within the other and aspire to understand those. This is the alter ego seeking to free itself, of itself. Hm, perhaps the ultimate romance may be the separation of the self from seeking itself – romance of this kind engages the discovery of new paths within the strikingly similar world of another.

A “recluse,” a shut in. This doesn’t prevent you from being discovered – in fact, it’s those perfect imperfections of being a recluse that seep through the cracks in the foundation to find another. An objective is to pay attention to detail…look for the glowing fissures within nature and mankind, for there awaits your companion. Serendipity is a fortune we create for ourselves…God leaves us with just enough latitude to discover miracles. But calls us in to be sure we give thanks and the most thankful find the most unexpected fortune.

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Coming Home

Interrupted life.
Having you, protects me from my own web.
Return to me, as you thaw,
Weathering away to smooth edges.

We are at the center, of this expansive disk,
Glimmering prism,
And the line we follow is just a circle
Contained at some distance from the edge.

Stop, wait for me,
let’s turn and head for the horizon of
Incorporated memories…
That’s what coming home to you is like.

Pale ashes accumulated behind the magnesium smoke,
of discarded memories bending in relinquishment,
Behind the afterglow of the spark,
as it burns down the shaft of time.

Of talus and terminus.
When the last ember sleeps, the stars are free at last
To provide all the light, engulfing the past
That is what coming home to you is like.

Traveling anywhere,
Is just a fancy of the earth below my feet.
Go back and be the mystery you were.
Where your chrome softens into pastel.

I’ve seen the reasons I miss you.
A broken moment collapses into eternity.
The world is peering over my shoulders and it makes me nervous.
As I trace a line along the coast from here to anywhere.

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I am

I may chase my losses around with a magnifying lens
Trying to figure out what went wrong.
I wonder what went right,
I’m sure it was nothing that I had anything to do with.
I thank god for the tenacity to create
It is not a process, it is the result.
People, get up and face the light
Feel the warmth, let yourself go and bless me, bless us
Who you are is who is truly loved, what is truth?
What is truth?
It is the highlights at the end of the suns ray before it touches the ocean.

I’d rather be lost in your heart then
Discovered in the sureness of wealth.

I need peace.

“You’ll never stop me,” he screamed as he ran into the night,
Faster than the darkness could take.
The silly envelope that cannot close down the acceleration of me toward you
Let me love you to the point of being unreasonable
Do not question.

In a tender yet torrid way
I’ve seen love creep like some shadow
Running from the sun
And overtaking each and every being.
Scanning eyes – moving over the world
They talked and I watched their eyes.
I’m supposed to be with you
As sure as I’m recognized by a stranger
Befriended by an acquaintance
And betrayed by a friend.
Betrothed by a soulmate.

I will be the one – the candle flame,
The world, the cabin walls.
Golden glow, shadowy glower
Scuffling feet over the wooden floor
At some chalet in a wanna be alp.

I’m a ….hm.

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The Fall

Discordant leaf chatter
argues over the path,
dispersed by a nettled wind
This is the Fall of my life.
Every breath shivered
and twirled on the air,
Fogging a glass piece
Through which I stare.
At lions at play
in the depths of my soul,
fierce and gentle
On ethereal fields.
Moon rays softened
on the curves of your hair.
now stars on their nightly procession
clatter like ignited leaves
Across my path,
where all will join the Fall.

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A godawful astronomy lesson

How many times have I looked up in the sky
To feel a tear roll back

I never saw you, but I knew you were there
Obscured by the fog of a bad day,
Engulfed by the sun
A sailors moon
Hearing nothing, never sounded so bad.
Darkness, giving up, are you there?
If so, leave me alone…
I’ll find you later, it’s better that way.

Falling star, beautiful as it burns up in the atmosphere,
maybe making it to earth, or just becoming ether.
That last falling light, disappeared, plummeting into the ocean of your soul.
And exactly how many stars fill your heart?
Was it gravity, Failure to fly that put them there?
Or a homecoming for the those that have never been home?
Arranged, placed gently in the heavens by the angels
Shuffling with the music of God’s solar winds

The waters rippled
Thrown silken blanket
Catching the stars
Reflecting in dew drops.

(Poem goes no where, I need an extension, I have anthrax—-)

Suspended in their infinite depth
The light reaches us lots of years after the flame ignites
And we smile and muse at these tardy dispatches.
Odd, that only long after we are gone from this world
Is the moment of our acknowledgement reciprocated,
reaching the void where the since-extinguished star once was.
So this comedy of mistimed love affair continues with the heavens
We, exchanging smiles with a face we know is gone from existence
The conundrum of returning to a sender who is no longer there.

And here by the fire
In this sandy pit
I listen to the waves run to the shore
Tattling tales from far out on the ocean
Who’s great arc bends the seawater over the distance
Around the horizon
Where whispers from distant shores are heard in our imagination
Lost at a sea,
The Transcontinental chasm of misshapen, asynchronous anecdotes.

And you and I are mired in this mud ball
A human conglomerate
Spinning around one star
while so many others beckon from beyond
And out of nowhere, I love you
Illuminates, the rise and fall and rise and fall
of the sun light
Like the end of an intermission.

The sun sets, as the encore begins
The audience of stars rise, clapping not loudly
Yet their applause flickers in the distance
As my light plummets into the western ocean of you soul
Yours rises majestic in the east
And for a brief moment,
The runner from the dusk sun is connected
To the glow of dawn
The gap lessens and we don smiles
Not for the fathomless distances of interstellar space
But for our closest star,
a mere 93 million miles
We are as close as close can be

Like the bespeckled heavens
We make patterns, we forget them in the day,
until the darkness comes

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Prey Animals (12/20/06 coming home from Australia)

In the lost ends of a long field,
the creature stood –
brushed in a bristling mahogany coat,
dusted with honey and java.
I could only stand there swaying
imperceptibly on the dying grass.
From his flanks, a slight swirl of steam
lifted into the winter air and
without a note, disappeared
into the heavy sky.

How inconsequential his state,
to the legacy of his stance.
How endless was the moment
that only 20 paces
separated us in time and species.
Yet connected, not understood.
How inconsequential my stance…
Was he dreaming what I was?

Still as the blades of bear grass
broken through the frost, he stood,
and I followed the contours across steep pasterns,
climbing strong foreleg,
rolling over the withers
and then across to the only sign of life
flickering in the fields that dusk.
No stone could have rippled the quiet waters of his eyes –
honey-pnd long lashes,

 

These almond pools with a shiny sliver on black,
A gold shard that reflected off a terracotta sun,
somewhere melting over the bush country of another continent.

 

If it were not for the fury in my heart,
I’d not have heard a pin drop into the Indian Ocean
We stared endless not in time, but in depth.
And it was so quiet, I could hear the hissing of the grasses,
He could hear the rushing of my own blood.
But Neither of us stirred as we moved,
the missing words from this monumental sentence
transcended the message.

 

It was a moments on it’s way out
From the time it arrived.
And no sooner had I reached out my hand,
Then he was gone.
With only that familiar cadence –
Thundering across the pasture.

 

And my mortality and limitations
Lunged upon me
Ripping the subconscious from the bone
Gnawing on the flesh of simply being human.
When talking of the spirit of a man and horse
We are all prey animals.
And so we run.

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Promise to be Safe (the old boat prose)

Wraught in BoatPromise to be safe and ponder with you heart
Breathe deeply and fill your eyes
Be clarity in the sands
Venture with your mind into the white caps.

An old remembrance of a boat,
adorned with palm fronds and dusted with fine white sand
Resting like a native islander,
who froze in mid-sleep while catching his breath

Curls of sun-bleached blue paint barely clings to the hull.
The gunwales pitted by caked sea salt and crumbling barnacles
And in the foreground, the dead keel lying in state
held up by two saw horses,

On top, a bucket of shellac lying on its side,
its contents spilled and dried
with a crusty brush glued to the lip – unable to roll
Nothing moves in the sea breeze,
except a few ribbons of shredded gray canvas
Caught on the ragged edges of sprung planks and tips of rusting nails.

The somnolent moan of the tide harmonizes
with the fine rustling grass skirt of palm in the breeze just over the berm.

The deposited waves rush back to the sea
tumbling shell fragments, sea glass and paint chips –
like tiny maracas.

The thick mingling smells of palm husks, sea grass, and salt
condense in the matted locks of her hair –
which waltzes impersonally with the ripped canvas –
flapping like the torn tips of an unwilling pirates pantaloons.

Even as every wave lifts and hoists a piece of the weathered wood out to sea,
the sand laden, slumbering mass reminds her
of bright white sails catching the wind,
and the glistening blue bow
cutting through the water with a hiss
the lively vessels wake reflecting a burning orange sun
melting on a curved blue horizon
Free to be on its own on the endless ocean –
beginning only on this beach.

Ironically, unable to renew itself,
This sage of a sail boat is a modern statement
to a pair of displaced romantics,
For now, parted by the ocean.
Unable to lose each other along the way,
Their love, is like this boat.

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Alone

Photo at Midnight

Photo at Midnight

Alone, I create the perfect pose,
I’ll sew a bounty of unheard prose.
So proud of my cups, so magnificent
Ornate, but filled with discontent.

We look for toads and kettle bearers
and the quenching kiss of wayfarers,
Who catch the drops of saccharin rain
In hand formed vessels thrown in pain.

Love does not pour from Grecian urns
But is the absence in what we believe;
Embrace all you have and are able to give
than all you’d hope to receive.

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So Close

It won’t be that much longer then
Just another lost day as dusk roles in
And the sun exhales long shadows
From a heart red far horizon.

I know getting too close to anyone
Is something you could not bear
But I’d not be here alone writing this song
Were it not for the company of your being there.

Because being close to you,
is the furthest thing on my mind…
and getting ahead of myself (with you)
just leaves us farther behind.

I’ve watched the endless pageantry
From the curbside like a child
These rock-a-by days as I drift off to sleep
Tracing the softening curves of your smile.

It’s way too close to a memory
Too close to a once-upon a lifetime chance
You’ll both forever hear the music,
But never again get so close…
close enough to dance.

I never thought I’d get this far
was the furthest thing on my mind…
When she left, I was sure it was me
Being left behind.

And the buildings press against the streets
Etched through New York City
When the sky goes cobalt blue
and your eyes go soft as the stars peak through,
That’s as close as I’ll need to get
That’s close enough to feel you.

Just promise to keep your distance
From the hopes you’ve left behind
And love within in yourself,
What another lover seeks to find.

 

 

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Those Who Cannot Trust – Who Fear Love

A forest is felt more at night
than seen by day
The saplings of fears grow in the darkness
into tall trees that we climb
to see stars above the canopy.

Through the obsidian blackness,
an occasional beam of light
threads its way between the trunks
to scintillate within our wincing eyes.

Somewhere, the glint of that reflection
is seen by another… then lost.

The torch you carry
does not provide the light
by which you search,
but by which you are found.

If you keep it glowing,
fueled through self awareness,
your light will become the glint in the eyes
of another.

Your source and it’s reflection
connect through the narrowest of passages.
Walk through your darkness eyes open
a single ray of gratitude can
rival a constellation of stars.

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